What do you do when you feel stuck?

Have you ever felt stuck? Stuck in a job where you are not progressing, not growing, not learning anything new. Stuck in a negative pattern of thinking, where you can't stop doubting your decisions, past or present. Stuck in a rut, where you are just going through the motions but not feeling any change in feeling, emotion, or momentum.

Regardless of where, how, and for how long you've been stuck, it's never a good feeling. It's like trying to wade through quicksand and in some cases, it's more like wading through wet concrete. It brings up all sorts of emotions - frustration, anger, sadness, regret, you name it. So, what do you do about it? How can you get unstuck?

Here are my thoughts on where you can start.

Figure out the 'why'

The key to figuring out why you are stuck is being honest with yourself. Sometimes it's easier to blame our environment or other people when we are trying to figure out what's getting in the way, but oftentimes, the 'why' can be found within us.

Here's an example. I was coaching a female leader who felt like she was not getting the recognition she deserved for the work she was contributing to the team. She was a stellar performer, her team loved her, and she delivered result after result, but yet, she had been in the same role for the last 5 years with no promotion. When we first started working together, she shared that her manager was a great person but not good at communicating up how the team was successful, and that was why she was not getting promoted.

Her initial 'why' may not have been wrong, however, as we probed deeper throughout the coaching process, there was definitely more to the story. This leader had a history of being behind the scenes, getting the work done, and not getting the credit for much of her career, not just with her current manager. She thought she preferred it that way - she didn't need the glory. She knew she was succeeding, doing a great job, and that was all that mattered. Well, that stood in direct opposition to what she told me in the beginning of our coaching journey. She realized that as well, and it was a pivotal moment for her.

She did care to get the credit she deserved. She did want to be recognized for her contributions. She did want her progress in her career to be reflective of her contributions to the organizations and teams that she led. However, early in her career, she was taught that her work would speak for itself, and later on, she realized that was not always the case for her. She was stuck because she was not effectively communicating her and her team's successes, and this was something that was a must in the environment she was currently operating in, and quite frankly many of the environments she worked in with past roles.

So, how do you get to the 'why'?

The answer is simple - ask yourself why! When you feel stuck, ask yourself why am I stuck? And then once you have the answer, ask yourself why, again, and again, and again. It might feel repetitive (it is!), uncomfortable (it might be!), or even frustrating (that means it's working!), but the more you ask yourself why (and answer truthfully), the closer you will get to the core, the real reason why you are stuck. Until you get to the real why, you run the risk of remaining stuck or getting stuck in the same situation over and over again.

A coach can help you get to the why. Sometimes, it helps to have someone else ask those thought-provoking questions. In the case of the client I was coaching, it was like holding up a mirror to her and saying what you are saying is not matching what you say you are feeling.

Another way to get to the why is through journaling. Journaling is a powerful tool that helps you to capture your thoughts on paper, look back at what you've written, and then process more deeply. If you keep asking yourself why, write down your answers, step away, and then come back to process what you've written, you might be able to uncover the deeper reason why on your own.

Regardless of how you get to the why, the key is to ask the question. So, here's to getting started: if you are feeling stuck, what's the reason why?